Another week
Hello everyone! I am lacking in energy this week, but I am still here to check in and see what’s going on. Let’s catch up.
Last week came and went. I lived life. It was boring and uneventful. I did a tiny bit of game dev work, and still have not picked out my next speedrun project. I kept up with all my chores, but other than that, have not sought out productivity in any meaningful way.
I am a bit bored and depressed. Pursuing my interests feels difficult. On the unofficial McLepke depression rating scale I would say that I’m at a 3.2/10. I am keeping the lights on; I’m meeting the bare minimum and I’m not unhappy, but I am definitely inactive and lacking in zest.
I finished a book, a videogame and watched a movie last week, though I’m not really in the mood to go in depth on any of them. The book was Never Have I Ever, the game was Hollow Knight: SIlksong, and the movie was Alien. I also finished watching Derry Girls. These feel like proof that I was indeed alive last week.
Food is still a thing. Eating healthy is annoying, but I’m still trying to do it. There is a new season of the Great British Baking Show on right now. I’m not sure if that is helping or hurting the cause. I like the guy with the tall girlfriend and the Ukrainian woman thus far.
The latest season of Project Runway wrapped up this week. From top to bottom, it was one of the least likeable casts on a reality show I have seen in a while. The judges weren’t that likeable either. I was very ready for this season to end. The eventual winner was a trans woman, so that was cool at least.
It’s starting to cool down. The annual apple picking trip happened last weekend, but I was at that hound event, so I missed it. The signs of fall are ramping up.
I have therapy today and I’m not sure what I will even talk about. Like yes, I am bored and depressed, but it’s kind of just an immobility. I will be told to force myself to do stuff. I already know that’s what I need to do. I don’t want to do it though. I’m tired. If you’re not actively unhappy, is sleeping all the time really that bad? At times, doing stuff seems fulfilling and worth chasing, and at others everything seems like it’s just a distraction from the empty void. Really, it’s both.
Maybe I’ll just say, “Hello Nora (my therapist), I am currently having the same issues I have been having my entire life. I am struggling to stay engaged in my interests, and struggling to maintain healthy habits.” And maybe Nora will say, “ah, yes - that sounds similar to what you’ve said during each of our last 97 bi-weekly appointments.” Usually if there’s time at the end we will chat about movies, so I can tell her about Alien.
Eventually, I will land on the truth that being this bored and indifferent about my life right now is a pretty good sign; it shows nothing worse is going on. I think back to persevering through taking Podo to the emergency room and the neurologist and how much I worried about him. No one is dying right now. We’re all healthy. We’re all just bored.
Anyway, I think that’s all I have this week. If you’ll excuse me, I will be off not attempting to seize the day in any way shape or form. I do hope that you have a great week. Even if you’re bored - there’s worse things. Good luck.