The First Run

I am a very regular runner of 5ks. Not official 5ks, I just mean that my regular running route is about 5km long. Today I had my first run in a while. The part that shocked me was just how long that while was - August 30 was my most recent run before today. I was stunned to see that. As annoying as Map My Run can be, it doesn’t lie. My most recent Twitch stream was September 4. As annoying as Twitch can be, it too keeps accurate records. My weight is at a new lifetime high of 230lb. It’s hard to believe, but my scale doesn’t lie either. I’m losing the fight with life on a number of fronts right now.

I am not sure what made September such a free-fall. Podo’s health emergency definitely contributed, but it takes more than that to generate a slump like this. I don’t know. Maybe not knowing is symptomatic of the problem - not noticing. Letting life glide by as I take the path of least resistance as frequently as I possibly can.

I have dug myself out of depression with the help of exercise more times than I can count over the course of my life. Today was a familiar feeling. Once the run is over, it’s easy to remember how valuable exercise is. The only runs you regret are the ones you don’t go on.

I think running has a way of spilling into the other areas of my life, because it gives me a concrete example of something that was not necessarily fun, but that I look back on with happiness. That’s kind of the thing with happiness - it’s not necessarily fun while it’s happening. It’s can be a by-product of activities that were decidedly not fun.

I think everyone knows this. I also think it is the human destiny to have to rediscover this over and over again indefinitely. That’s what is so good about exercise - it is like the cliff notes version of this lesson. You dreaded it, you did it, now you feel great. There are a lot of things in life that work exactly like this.

Life moves in waves. Sometimes I can convince myself to wade through uncomfortable feelings in search of greater happiness, and sometimes I take easier short-term comfort and gradually drop into a sinkhole. Every once in a while, we’re lucky enough to turn the tide. Remember when you were kids and you all walked around the swimming pool in a circle to create a current? Somehow, someway, I need to get my life to flow the other direction. I’ve seen it happen before. Everyone knows the important pieces: your diet, your work, your exercise, your socializing. The fact that everyone knows the pieces is proof that lack of knowledge isn’t the issue. An inability to take action is the issue. And that is an issue that can go on forever if you let it.

Like I said, today was my first run. Perhaps the tides are turning.